Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 


While the sun did slip
From the sky above
I decided to take a trip
And look for my long lost love

I traveled through Spring flowers
All yearning for the light
I felt myself empowered
My love for him grew to new heights

Along this path I knew
That I could bring forth all I had
Walking out of the blue
I left behind the baggage, so glad

That I could bring forth
What love I held inside
And never change course
And never have to hide

As I rounded a hilltop
My love came into sight
My heart it nearly stopped
For his life he did fight

As I ran to him
My eyes ablaze with tears
His eyes they did dim
With his last breath I drew him near

I screamed into the night
My heart it did break
This couldn't be right
I howled out my rage

But his light was gone
Forevermore I would cry
And eternally long
An acidic rain filled the sky

I let it burn my skin
Until my heart it did reach
I let the rain burn everything within
My soul became charred and bleached

There was nothing left of me
Nothing left of him
Together forever we would be
Our bodies blown to the four winds
:iconopheliawhispers:

Author's Comments

...

Critiques


:iconshivarra:
I really love this poem. It flows well, it has rhyme all the way through the poem. The story is wonderful. Going from joyous love to intense sadness and death. The very first verse captured my attention, and it didn't wane through the entire poem. The imagery is great. I especially loved this verse...

"I traveled through Spring flowers
All yearning for the light
I felt myself empowered
My love for him grew to new heights"

I could almost see the person traveling through the flowers. That verse right there is amazing poetry. And the then it takes a turn to sorrow, and such a wonderful job you have done.
Really great poem, Heather my friend. :)
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

Thank you for your Critique

You are not logged in.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 1 1 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconcsnyder:
i love how it went from lovely and happy to dreary and down, very nice work indeed
:iconaxiabetty:
love it my dear... ^^ FAV!

--
"Come on my heart, soul deaf cruel. I'll shed kisses without remorse on your lovely body, sanded and shining like copper" (Baudelaire)
See my gallery at [link]
Join my club at [link]
:blackrose:
:iconopheliawhispers:
Thanks so much hun!

--
:love:

-Ophelia

"The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waist's and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save Us!"

And I'll look down and whisper "No."

-Rorschach from "Watchmen"
:iconopheliawhispers:
I am glad you enjoyed it my friend!

--
:love:

-Ophelia

"The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waist's and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save Us!"

And I'll look down and whisper "No."

-Rorschach from "Watchmen"
:iconsilverfoxknows:
I like that. The jolt from sweet to sad is very effective. Good imagery, as well. Nice work, Love.

--
Fry: "Hey, wait - I'm having one of those things. You know. A headache with pictures."
Leela: "An idea?"
Fry: "Uh!"

I am the administrator for:

=ThroughTheRabbitHole
:iconaxiabetty:
as always my friend, as always ^^

--
"Come on my heart, soul deaf cruel. I'll shed kisses without remorse on your lovely body, sanded and shining like copper" (Baudelaire)
See my gallery at [link]
Join my club at [link]
:blackrose:
:iconopheliawhispers:
Thanks so much my love!

--
:love:

-Ophelia

"The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waist's and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save Us!"

And I'll look down and whisper "No."

-Rorschach from "Watchmen"

Details

May 4
1.4 KB

Statistics

8
3 [who?]
53 (0 today)
2 (0 today)

Site Map