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:iconopheliawhispers:
Alrighty.. I love how this poem goes from loss and sorrow to hope. I normally do not like it when only two lines in the whole poem rhyme, but it did seem to fit, making the lines:

"Letting it touch the hearts of others, putting it into lives,
Never seeing the tears that it gives them when it hits their eyes"

Have an even stronger impact on the reader. I do also like the transition in the second stanza from loss, setting it up for gained hope. The last stanza gets me every time I read it:

"Truly, I can not help but dream of one days and maybes,
and wish upon the stardust that I flick out the windows of cars,
Letting it touch the heart of others, putting it into lives,
Never seeing the tears that it gives them when it hits their eyes."

The only thing I think that needs changing is the punctuation.

If you put a comma at the end of a line, then the next line should startout with a lower case word... if you end the sentence with a period, then youmake the next line start with an uppercase. I know you already know this... and I still writelike you have at times when I fel it is appropriate, but most of the time I try to follow the rules of punctuation. I believe it guides the reader into reading the poem EXACTLY as you have written it.

Heather
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:iconwombat-pentagram:
yeah punctuation is the biggest annoyance for me. I never learnt how to punctuate properly. I still get comments about punctuation on every piece of work I get back even though I have tried to learn to punctuate properly. I think this is one of my biggest challenges. With poetry I end up capitalising the lines of every poem just to make it follow that pattern and I used to think that that was the correct way to do it.. I now realise it is not and I will try and capitalise and such properly from now on. thanks for pointing it out. I am glad you liked the poem. The last stanza is my favourite in this poem as well.

--
"to dream perchance to wake anew"...
:iconopheliawhispers:
Hey.... just to let you know, I had to have the whole punctuation thing brought to my attention as well. I was not that into, until I saw how it made the poems flow exactly the way I want the reader to read it. Now not to say that there isn't a place for capitalizing every first letter of every line... but when you use that form just remember not to punctuate while using the aforementioned form. ;)

--
:love:

-Ophelia

"The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waist's and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save Us!"

And I'll look down and whisper "No."

-Rorschach from "Watchmen"
:iconwombat-pentagram:
thanks dear :)

--
"to dream perchance to wake anew"...

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